Sunday 31 July 2022

Letter to my daughter

To my daughter,

Before you even entered the world, you were so wanted. Now that I can feel you in my tummy, those feelings have multiplied tenfold. I can't wait to rest your tiny head on my chest.

Since embracing my Maoridom I have learnt hapūtanga and whakawhānau are regarded as tapu. I now know there is both a physicality and spirituality aspect to bringing precious new life into the world as a continuation of whānau, hapū and iwi. It is through childbirth that whakapapa is created. I am excited to incorporate more Maori practices and tikanga into this pregnancy and birth.

We took these photos at Kiriwhakapapa, one of our favourite places to come to as a family here in the Wairarapa. I’m wearing a kākahu which is like a protector. To wrap a kākahu around someone is to envelop them in strength, warmth and aroha (love). Which is what we will continue to wrap you in when you arrive.

I am so excited to have a daughter, as my Mum and I have an unbreakable bond. She accepts me for everything I am and never judges me for being anything other than my imperfect self. Her unconditional love makes me feel like a better person, no distance, time or person could come between the bond we share. She’s always been my person and I can't wait to be yours. I’ve always called us the ‘Gilmore Girls’ which is a show about a very close mother and daughter that I love to watch and I can't wait for you to be a part of our ‘Gilmore Girl Club’.

This pregnancy has truly been beautiful, yet the beginning was tough. It started out with morning sickness so bad I was worried I was starting to neglect your brother and leave the TV to babysit him. I was also so anxious having had a miscarriage that I would lose you too. However, after we passed that 12-week mark and we saw you on the ultrasound, real, healthy and moving inside me, I started to feel a bit more at ease.

Then, the second trimester hit. You were an absolute breeze! I got my energy back and we went on our babymoon as a family. You are much more active than your brother, Arlo. You are constantly dancing in my tummy.

Now we are in the third trimester and getting ready for your arrival. I can’t wait to hold you and stare into your eyes. I can’t wait for your little new-born scent to be on me night and day. I can’t wait to watch you learn and grow and become eventual friends with Arlo. But most of all, I can’t wait for you to fill daddy's and my hearts with more love than we thought possible.

I want you to know that just like your brother we will always love you unconditionally, no matter the circumstances. I hope we can always communicate openly with each other, whatever it is and whatever is happening. I will always be here for you.

See you soon, baby girl. Until then, please be kind to your mother.

Love forever and a day with every inch of our hearts x


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